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I have used these terms for readability and not because I believe that every man who has problems with angry or controlling behaviors is abusive.
I needed to select a simple word I could apply to any man who has recurring problems with disrespecting, controlling, insulting, or devaluing his partner, whether or not his behavior also involves more explicit verbal abuse, physical aggression, or sexual mistreatment.
Gillian and Gail in particular have both kept after me for years to write this book, and it is largely due to their continued prodding that it is finally here; Gillian also provided invaluable comments and suggestions on the manuscript.Similarly, these men run a gamut in their attitudes, from those who are willing to accept confrontation about their behaviors and strive to change them, to those who won’t listen to the woman’s perspective at all, feel completely justified, and become highly retaliatory if she attempts to stand up for herself.(In fact, as we see in Chapter 5, one of the best ways to tell how deep a man’s control problem goes is by seeing how he reacts when you start demanding that he treat you better.I selected these terms for convenience and because they correctly describe the great majority of relationships in which power is being abused.However, control and abuse are also a widespread problem in lesbian and gay male relationships, and the bulk of what I describe in this book is relevant to same-sex abusers.
He has published five books, including the bestseller Why Does He Do That? , When Dad Hurts Mom, The Batterer as Parent, and Should I Stay of Should I Go? Lundy has worked with over 1000 abusive men in his counseling groups. ALSO BYLUNDY BANCROFT The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics(with Dr. Silverman)Acknowledgments I HAVE HAD MANY, many teachers along my path to understanding the mentality and behavior of abusive men.